The Torture Your Yaoi Couple Meme!
by sweet-and-simple
Summary: I.  Hi!  Who are you, what's your star sign, pin number, zip code, yada yada...  Beware of vanilla ice-cream-wielding ukes, stripteasing semes, crossdressing, and cocaine in this meme, ladies and gentlemen!


_I. Hi! Who are you, what's your star sign, pin number, zip code, yada, yada, …_

Author's Note: Who, me? Oh, I'm just sweet-and-simple… But, since you ask, I might as well explain the story in this little space here – Alright, so I couldn't stop with just one meme… I decided to do anyone I could find! And then I decided to do one-shots of each of them… So expect more! Please enjoy! NOTE: None of the meme formats are mine; I stole them off of Deviantart! I only changed a few words so it would be for stories instead of art.

_II. Interesting! So, who are the two ~ lucky ~ souls you're gonna torture? Some info on their relationship?_

Lambo sighs heavily and shoves his hands into his pockets, turning his head petulantly away. "Goodness… we are _not_ a couple… Who would want to date that stingy bastard?"

Reborn smirks and wordlessly points behind him. In the gestured direction is a horde of women (and men) who wait for the moment Reborn crooks his finger and bids them over.

Lambo sputters. "_Aside_ from insane fangirls… and fanboys…" Bianchi appears out of thin air as does Haru and a few other choice women (and men). He grimaces. "Go to hell, you stingy bastard."

_III. Yay! First have the uke eat some vanilla ice-cream covered in whipped cream messily in front of his seme, being all innocent and oblivious. The seme can do nothing about it!_

A trickle of white escapes the corner of his lips, running down his chin. With his eyes half-veiled and a shiver running down his spine, he wraps his mouth around the delight. His shiver intensifies and he pulls away, taking slow, calming breaths before he returns to the treat set before him. He runs his tongue up and down its column, moaning in ecstasy as he tastes its unique and pleasurable flavor.

Across from him, Reborn is staring – possibly a little more than he should be – as Lambo enjoys the vanilla and whipped cream ice-cream cone. 'Little' Reborn is twitching, coming to life with every lick and flicker of Lambo's red tongue, every sigh and moan of his pretty coral lips; he is ready to molest the little cow if he doesn't act his age and eat the damn treat like it isn't a sex toy!

Nonetheless, Lambo – oblivious to his turmoil – takes his time with the melting sweet, licking whipped cream off of his hands when it drips onto his digits. He sticks his fingers in his mouth and sucks them clean.

Reborn fists his hands together. _Damn it_.

_IV. Heheh… Seme's turn! Have him do a striptease in front of his uke. The uke is NOT allowed to move or look away!_

"You stupid cow! This is why you _don't_ use electricity right next to an irrigation system!" Reborn curses the teenager out yet again as they step into the hitman's bedroom.

Lambo is a step behind him, almost in tears. "G-goodness… it wasn't m-my fault! I didn't _know_ it was there!" He rubs a hand across his watery eyes. "Well, _sor-ry_ that your expansive Armani suit is s-soaked! You deserve it, you stingy bastard!" He wails.

"You are buying me a new one." Reborn states.

Lambo sniffles and turns his back on the man. "W-whatever… I-it's not like I did it on purpose! I was just trying h-help out Vongola…" He looks over his shoulder to glare at the man.

His glare fades into wide-eyed wonderment.

Reborn had shrugged out of his clingy black jacket and white sleeved vest, leaving him in a transparent, white muscle shirt, black pants… and his fedora.

The fedora _always_ seemed to come off last. They had already taken off their shoes and socks downstairs, trying not to track water through HQ (though Reborn hadn't cared either way).

Reborn undoes his belt and then his pants, the zipper hissing as he pulls it down. Lambo stares avidly as he pushes them down his legs and steps out of them; now he's down to his fedora, a pair of black boxers, and his muscle shirt.

Lambo gulps and runs his tongue nervously over his lips.

Reborn pauses and looks back at him. His glittering raven eyes narrow in thought and a slow smirk curls his lips. "Hey, cow…" He purrs. Lambo jerks back to reality, meeting his gaze with his own startled emerald one. "Do you like what you see?"

Lambo busies himself with trying to push out of his own soggy clothes. "N-no, of course not… I-I mean, I'm _straight_, so i-it doesn't matter to me whether or n-not you get naked…" His eyes drag themselves back to the hitman.

"Straight, hm?" Reborn mocks. With purposeful laziness, he grips his fedora, taking it off and letting his spiky black locks spring to (somewhat) life (soaked as they are, they don't retain their former glory). The muscle shirt is slow to peel off, Reborn revealing inch by inch of toned alabaster skin. First his abdominal muscles (rippling as Reborn's arms reach higher up), and then his pectorals (twin pink nipples prickled by the cold). He tosses the shirt aside in a showy way that draws attention to the sleek muscles of his arms and the curve of his torso. He hooks his thumbs in his boxers and – so slowly, so very slowly – pushes them down his legs, the silk fabric catching on his half-hard erection.

Lambo is trembling, a hand to his red nose as he stares at the progress the boxers make. When Reborn steps out of them, leaving them a puddle on the floor, Lambo slowly tracks his eyes back up, his gaze catching on every water droplet that runs down the hitman's body until his eyes focus heatedly on the man's length. His heartbeat is racing and he can hear his lungs labor.

"Are you sure you're straight?" Reborn unceremoniously retorts with a smug and humored grin plastered on his handsome face.

Lambo's eyes roll into the back of his head and he collapses; the cause is most likely blood loss or lack of oxygen… maybe both.

_V. DAMN! Now then, don't ask questions, just write about both of them in the most girly dresses you can think of!_

Haru is snapping photo after photo, her twinkling brown gaze brimming with joyful tears. "Hahi! I couldn't have asked for better models had I wished for it!" She coos.

Lambo wears a beach dress, complete with a single ruffled sleeve and a cinched waist; because this is Haru who they are modeling for, there is a pattern of a rowboat on it, its background color being an ocean green. Makeup makes him look like a blushing prom-date, his high, green flip-flops slipping cutely off his feet. In reality, he is horrified and he wants to run away. He sits on a platform with a green backdrop behind him.

Standing next to him, Reborn wears a floor-length Gothic dress with frontal lacing detail, a ruffled skirt, and a reverse-halter; again, because this is Haru, there are little pink bunnies lining the bodice and the hem of the dress. To top it all off, Reborn is wearing a _wig_, a tattoo of a pink bunny on his one cheek. Worst of all, he is _smiling_.

Lambo glares up at him. "I hate you…"

Reborn smirks back at him. "You just hate me because I'm beautiful."

_VI. Cute~! Now, anyone your seme hates? Draw that person ALL OVER the seme! He's not allowed to do anything about it, either! Mwa hah hah! _(Author's Note: This could be interpreted many ways…)

Reborn, due to the _Non-_ _7^3_ policy, is immobile. Worst than being immobile…

Teenage-Lambo was replaced with 5-year old Lambo. "Gya hah hah! Reborn isn't so tough now~" The child proceeds to poke Reborn's cheek… over and over and over again. "Nya! You can't do anything about it, can ya? Can ya? Can ya? Gya hah hah!"

Reborn wordlessly wonders to himself _why_ he let the child live when he was still a baby.

_VII. We all know ukes are cute and adorable, right? Let's change it up a bit… Write about the uke in the most OOC way you can possibly think of!_

"Reborn, I'm sorry…" Lambo sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I simply have no time for you. I have decided to give up my life-time goal of bloodily murdering you to instead become part of the Varia."

There is a startled silence throughout the room. Tsuna stares with blank shock, Gokudera's cigarette drops from his mouth into his lap, Yamamoto doesn't know whether to laugh it off as a joke or not, Ryohei stares with furrowed brows, Chrome looks slightly scared, Mukuro looks thoughtful, Fuuta is horrified, I-Pin is concerned, Haru and Kyoko are oblivious and think Lambo is acting, Nana is worried, and Reborn… Reborn looks possibly a little insulted.

"I am sick of being made out t be a blushing, screaming little uke for your sadistic pleasures." Lambo continues to say to the hitman. "So I have decided to man up and become seme; I am now Lusseria's pimp." Said Varia member pops out of thin air and drops down at Lambo's feet, looking star struck. "I have also killed Xanxus; so I will be trying to overthrow the Vongola famiglia to stupidly dredge up the past." He waves back at the shocked family as he walked out, dragging the Varia sun guardian with him. "I hope you all sleep well tonight."

There is a startled silence.

"What did you shoot him with, Reborn?" Tsuna finally manages to ask, eyes wide and jaw slack.

"Don't immediately blame me, stupid-Tsuna." The hitman snipes.

Chrome coughs nervously. Everyone's eyes turn to her. She swallows thickly. "I-I might have given him what I th-thought was sugar…" Silence reigns, the room entirely waiting for the catch. "It was cocaine."

_VIII. Now, just because I'm evil, write about them feeling each other up where ever either one of them is most uncomfortable!_

"N-no, don't! R-Reborn, you c-c-can't!" Lambo gasps and moans as the hitman runs his hands beneath his clothes, pinching his nipples and caressing his sides, stroking his hips. "P-Please s-s-stop!" There are tears pooling in the corner of his emerald eyes. "W-we can't do it here! G-g-goodness, please…"

"Why not?" Reborn purrs. "You're acting very sensitive today; you must like this."

"I-I don't!" Lambo wails. "I-I'm s-s-stuttering so much because of t-t-terror!" He sniffles and stares at Reborn with desperate eyes. "Please s-s-stop…"

Reborn raises a single eyebrow.

Lambo looks past Reborn to the (enraged) voyeur standing in the office doorway. "B-Bianchi is watching…"

"DIEEEE, LAMBOOOOO!"

_IX. I'm running out of ideas, sooo… Any last words? (Or write something to show us how __sick__ you are). _(Author's Note: Again, this could be taken in many different ways~)

"Sooo… That's _Dino's_ whip… right?" Lambo slowly backs away from the evilly grinning Reborn.

"It's time to wrangle me a cow~"

_X. Thanks for doing this meme! It was my first! ^-^ Now tag some people! Mwa hah hah! _

Author's Note: I TAG YOU ALLL! Heh heh! This meme was _really_ fun! As you could see, I got to make fun of the couple a lot and have a lot of laughs! I suggest this meme to anyone! Aaah, but I kind of felt that maybe the characters were a tad OOC… What do my darling readers think?


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